-UFC rumored to be considering headlining Ray Lewis vs. Mark “The Hammer” Coleman.  Coleman allegedly declined stating, “I value my life, this would be suicide”.

-Several acts of violence have been reported in rural Missouri as St Louis Cardinals/ Kansas City Chiefs fans have abandoned the Chiefs and are now backing the Arizona Cardinals.  Diehard Chiefs fans have held several Pow-Wows that resulted in many near scalpings.

-On a similar note, San Francisco Giants fans have set up a Facebook page to clearly state their purpose of having no affiliation with the New York Giants.  An online petition is now circulating demanding that “stupid non-sports knowing *expletives* stop spamming their page with Eli Manning *expletive*”.

-Somali pirates have been spotted off the coast of New Jersey on their way to Pittsburgh. Allegedly, they are seeking to plunder the city to gather all the Steelers valuable throwback jerseys.

-Plaxico Burress said to be touring New York City schools to talk about the dangers of shooting yourself in the foot and then being blamed for your team’s loss.  He also emphasizes how shooting yourself in the NFL is a big issue while shooting someone else is not.

-Billy Ray Cyrus may be performing at the Superbowl with his new song that goes “Don’t break my heart, my achy Akers heart, if you’re an Eagles fan you understand…..”

-Hines Ward is reportedly being hounded by fellow teammates to “do something crazy” in order for him to live up to his nickname “Psycho Ward’.

-John Madden was ordered to have a GPS tracker implanted in his watch, as he mistakenly thought that the Superbowl was yesterday and was found wandering the streets of Tampa aimlessly.

-Breaking News: One of the Somali pirated headed to Pittsburgh discovered to be Eric Mangini.

-People outside Pittsburgh are frustrated and now demanding that Troy “Palomanunoo” cut his hair, so they can read his name on the back of his jersey.